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Invisible Divorce in a Marriage Is Similar to Quiet Quitting

For much of 2022, Tampa Bay Buccaneers quarterback Tom Brady and his supermodel wife Gisele Bündchen have appeared to be living separate lives. Photos surface of him or her with their children, but they have not been seen together in quite some time.

The super couple has not filed for divorce or legal separation, and only they know the status of their relationship. Some have speculated they may be in the midst of what is called an invisible divorce.

An invisible divorce occurs when the couple no longer acts as a cohesive unit. The two people remain married and perform minimal duties that allow the marriage to stay intact.

In some ways, invisible divorce is akin to quiet quitting at work. The employee no longer goes over and beyond and only does the bare minimum.

Emotional Detachment in Invisible Divorce

An invisible divorce can happen at any time, but most occur in marriages lasting more than a decade. Tom and Gisele have been married for 13 years.

To the outside observer, there may be no signs of marital problems. The couple keeps up the appearance of a solid marriage. The inside perspective, however, would reveal a relationship in decay.

The two people, for a variety of reasons, begin to detach emotionally. Divorce is not an immediate answer because they have considerable time invested in the relationship. There are often shared children involved. These couples also rationalize why they should stay in the marriage. Maybe the spouse is a wonderful parent, or you have so many mutual friends, but these rationalizations are never based on the core relationship.

Emotionally detached spouses stop sharing their goals, dreams, and fears with each other. They keep problems to themselves. They stop caring about each other’s needs.

Couples Look Outside of Marriage for Fulfillment

Looking outside of marriage does not necessarily mean an adulterous affair. That certainly happens sometimes. Spouses numbed to each other often turn to others to talk about their emotions. The spouses begin doing more things separately. They take solo vacations. They volunteer for organizations without their partner. They develop individual interests from pickleball to quilting. The couple grows further and further apart and retreats into their own separate worlds.

Invisible Divorce Is Often Fight-Free

In an invisible divorce, the intimacy and friendship the couple once enjoyed have vanished. They do not even care enough to fight anymore. Problems are buried. These couples often lead separate schedules, go to bed at different times, and do everything possible to minimize their interaction with each other.

The Crossroads of Invisible Divorce

At some point, one or both spouses realize that an invisible divorce is no way to live the rest of their lives. A marriage can be saved. Through therapy and open conversation, some marriages can redirect the trajectory and become a loving couple again. On the other hand, some relationships suffer irreparable harm and cannot be repaired. In these cases, divorce can be the answer for each person to live fully once again.

Irretrievable Breakdown of the Marriage

Couples who ultimately decide to go their separate ways often choose a no-fault divorce. To use this ground, the marriage must be in a state of “irretrievable breakdown” for at least six months before filing. They typically use an attorney to help them settle divorce issues such as child custody, child support, property distribution, and spousal support.

Understand Your Rights in a New York Divorce

Even if you are unsure that you want to file for divorce, you will benefit from talking with one of our experienced attorneys. A consultation will help you understand the divorce process and your rights.

At the Law Office of Dennis R. Vetrano, Jr., LLC, we help clients legally disconnect from their spouses and begin a new chapter unfettered by attachments that no longer serve them.

Get answers to your questions. Reach us online or call (845) 605-4330.