“Auld Lang Syne” and a kiss at midnight. These and other New Year’s rituals can create a big hole in the spirit of someone going through a divorce. Yet there is another ritual that can lay the foundation for a brighter new year: New Year’s resolutions.
There’s no harm in making a resolution to quit smoking or use your smartphone less, there are resolutions that can help you through your divorce and embrace your newfound singleness.
Resolve to Stop Opening Old Wounds
Sometimes letting go of perceived wrongs is difficult. Certainly, what happened in a marriage can affect how a divorce proceeds. Continuing to fight about how a spouse never helped around the house or made big purchases without talking to you is tempting, but it doesn’t move the ball forward. These fights, while part of why you are divorcing, shouldn’t be rehashed time and again during the divorce. Old wounds can be emotional minefields that can negatively impact your decisions.
Resolve to Not Put Your Kids in the Middle
Your children do not need to know every detail of your divorce. Unless there is abuse or neglect, children benefit from having a relationship with both parents. Even in divorce, your children’s needs should be a top priority. Don’t tell your children about the arguments you are having with your ex about the financial settlement, custody arrangements, and other divorce matters. They don’t need to hear about the problems surrounding the marriage or divorce. Let your kids be kids.
Resolve to be a Good Co-Parent
Related to not putting your kids in the middle is the resolution to be a good co-parent. This won’t be easy, but everyone benefits if you do. Effective co-parenting makes the transition more seamless for children and reduces the tension between the parents. You and your spouse are still parents during and after the divorce. Work together when your child has difficulties at school. Be a united front when your child needs medical treatment. Accommodate logical requests to adjust visitation schedules and be kind to one another at your child’s birthday parties, graduations, and other milestones.
Resolve to Forgive Yourself & Your Ex
Letting go of anger is rarely easy. It’s said that holding on to anger does more damage to the person holding the grudge than the person guilty of the wrong. Forgiving your ex of their betrayals can help you move forward. Forgiveness doesn’t necessarily mean you forget, but the transgression no longer steals your energy. Likewise, forgiving yourself is important, too. No matter the events in the marriage that caused the divorce, most people carry guilty for any part they played in the marriage not lasting. Learn what you need to from this experience and then move forward. Forgiveness will enable you to focus on creating a positive new chapter in your life.
Resolve to Update Wills & Insurance Policies
The divorce process can be complicated. There are decisions to be made about child custody, visitation, spousal support, division of assets, and so much more. But there is one detail that needs to not fall off your radar. If you have a will or trust, you need to update these legal documents. Oftentimes, one spouse has the other listed as a beneficiary or receiving specific assets. You probably don’t want that to continue. Don’t wait for the divorce to be finalized. Make the changes now, otherwise, your ex will unintentionally benefit. And remember to change any insurance policies you have that names your spouse as a beneficiary.
Resolve to Watch Your Finances
Your financial picture may look very different now that you are not part of a married couple. Don’t let monetary issues fall by the wayside. Make a list of all your expenses and income. Determine what you can discontinue. Knowing your finances put you in a powerful position to be able to make necessary changes. Start off the new year by making informed decisions that will carry throughout the new year. Create a budget, set financial goals, and set aside money in savings.
Resolve to Take care of Yourself
Your own health and well-being can be the last things on your mind during a divorce. Remember that even the airlines ask you to put the mask on yourself first. Eating healthy foods can provide you with the energy you need to get through the day. Regular exercise can clear your mind and reduce stress. Adequate rest helps with cognitive function and other important processes. Divorce can be emotionally and physically draining, so taking care of yourself is important. You will be better for yourself and your children.
New Year, New Life
In this new year, you can restart your life. With the divorce in your rearview mirror, you can begin again. Pick up new hobbies. Meet new people. Go back to school. Return to work. Travel. This New Year, let the new you shine.
If you are considering divorce in the Dutchess County, NY area, contact the Law Office of Dennis R. Vetrano, Jr., LLC. Our attorneys have the knowledge, experience, and resources to guide clients through even the most complex divorce cases. Call us at (845) 605-4330 or submit our online form. Your first consultation is always free.